“Lawyers are NOT trustworthy, especially in a state with legal marijuana. FAKE NEWS!”
President Donald J. Trump tweeted these words in the early hours of the morning, referring to his new Executive Order effectively mandating that The Docket cease operations and refrain from further publication.
Docket insiders suspect that a recent “Bar Review” article was what sparked the president’s attention and ire. Last December, Docket Committee members and contributors gathered for a happy hour at a pop-up Russian restaurant in downtown Denver. Denver lawyer Eaton Andreenken, who boasts Siberian ancestry, authored an opinion of the now defunct establishment and awarded it only one “gavel” out of a possible five. “The food was seriously lacking in flavor; the vodka had the aroma of cough medicine; and the caviar looked distinctly makeshift,” he wrote. The owner of the restaurant is now a chef at the White House.
The Executive Order specifically precludes the ability to publish any print or online content (written in any language spoken in the Americas) by a licensed attorney who lives or works at an elevation of 5,280 feet, or within 100 feet thereof. When asked during an appearance on Fox & Friends about whether the Executive Order would violate the First Amendment, Trump responded, “It’s constitutional; there has never been an order so constitutional; everyone knows it’s constitutional.” He reiterated his promise to “Make America great again,” stating, “Let’s admit it: Aren’t we all better off if we don’t have to hear what lawyers have to say?”
When asked about the so-called “Docket ban,” the editorial powers that be said that there are no plans to stop publishing. “We’ll see him in court!”
Emma Garrison is chair of the Docket Committee and staff counsel at Wheeler Trigg O’Donnell LLP. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.